ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING

…and just like that, I became the hero of my own (failed) love story again. Last night was full of chemical dreams about you.

First let me say that I will always, always love you. But I have to put that love to bed now, and make sure I get out and live my life during the day. My heart hurts, yes, but I can always take deep breaths to help it. Oh, God! To love someone who cares so little for you… it’s a cruel fate, is all I can say. I feel like I’m trapped in the Box of You, for all intents and purposes. To love somone so inaccessible, and to feel so uniformly meh about everyone else, is its own kind of awful prison.

Yes, I did very much want to sleep with you when I saw you last week.

Yes, I still want your love more than anything else in the world.

Yes, I would love you through every bit of your crankiness, bitterness, and ire, as long as you were warm and loving with me.

And yes, I will always be waiting for True Love… the kind that lights me up from the inside and makes me feel completely connected. The way I always did when our bodies met and we were like the sand and the shore, coming together.

I love you today, I loved you yesterday, and I will love you deep in my heart, always and forever.

But right now, I have to try to live today, and to love myself, anyway. ❤️‍🔥—Y.B.D.