Let me just put out there, first, that I used to be a stoner of the first degree. I used to love getting high, whether that was first thing in the morning, or the last thing I did before bed. I loved going to the gym high; I loved taking walks high; and I loved messing about with my art materials, high. And I especially loved getting intimate, high, with my then-boyfriend — although that really is a contradiction in terms. Because there can be no authentic intimacy, when both people are enveloped in their own private chemical dimension. That brings me to one of the many reasons I stopped getting high: because it interfered with my ability to participate in and enjoy real relationships of all kinds. I used to need to get high, in order to control the way I felt around people — to make sure they didn’t aggravate me or kick up my anxiety too much. Getting high prevented me from caring too much, period. But do you know what I figured out, once I stopped getting high? It’s okay to care. It’s okay to feel. And it’s even okay (much more than okay!) to express my thoughts and feelings and opinions to other people, which is something I was reluctant or unable to do, back when I was getting high all the time. I cannot tell you how cool, and how enjoyable, it’s been to actually connect with the people in my life — and especially, with myself — once I stopped getting high. Without the drug and its numbing effects on my brain, there is truly nothing getting in the way of experiencing real connection. But I guess I’d say that being able to stand tall and strong within myself, no matter what’s going on around me, is the best reward of all from not getting high anymore. ❤️‍🔥—Y.B.D.